On E-Cookies and Such

I'm disappointed in the number of people who tried to get my e-cookie (nobody tried to get my e-cookie). The answer was: I don't have a goddamn New Years Resolution. New Years Resolutions are fucking stupid. It's not the practice of making goals that I'm against; shit, the only way I EVER get anything done is by sitting down and setting a goal for myself. My beef is with the nature of the "New Years Resolution". In my experience, a New Years Resolution is a sweeping, general idea for some kind of vague "self-improvement". And that's completely moronic. It just gives people yet another way to feel self-righteous. "Oh, my New Years Resolution is to lose weight. I'm such a good person because I'm all healthy and shit." Boo. Most people have enough outlets for self-righteousness assholery anyway.

With all that in mind, I'm going to take this opportunity to shamelessly pimp my band and our hilarious new vlog post. Go. Watch it. Laugh hysterically. Listen to our music. Tell your billionaire record-company-executive friends.

Thank God That's Over

I fucking hate the Christmas Season. I hate the stupid sweaters, the tacky decorations, and most of all, the terrible music. It's all too goddamn major and/or Jesus-y. I'm not into that shit. I'm all for a little bit of "perky" every once and a while (see: the Flaming Lips), but when it's mixed in with the schlocky, the tacky, and the overplayed, it becomes utterly unbearable. The only Christmas music that comes close to being bearable is the stuff Elvis did in the 50s and Handel's Messiah, which, shock and awe, is actually for Easter. And that Elvis stuff gets old quick. Still, there is one aspect of Christmas that my selfish, consumerist, proto-libertarian self does enjoy: the free shit. And boy did I get some nice loot this year. Money, iPhone, new goddamn bass, wah pedal, some interesting books; put it all together and I made out like a goddamn bandit.

But that's enough about everyones favorite bastion of consumerism. It's 2010, and I'll give you a whole e-cookie if you can figure out what my resolution was. I feel like I should talk about the past year or something. About how 2009 was some kind of "Year of the X" or how "Event Y" will shape 2010. The thing is, I don't see much that's significant about this year. I turned 18, Obama "fixed" the economy, Avenged Sevenfold's drummer died, Republicans were morons, Democrats were morons, and life just kind of went on. Next year, I'll turn 19, politicians will still be morons, and I don't know what the fuck the economy will do. But that's not important. It's 2010, bitches. Pour yourself a goddamn beer, you survived.

Peace out, bitches.