Chill the Fuck Out.

You are not going to die of Swine Flu.  I don't understand why this is so hard for so many people to understand.  You didn't die of SARS, you didn't die of the West Nile Virus, you didn't die of Avian Flu, and you sure as hell aren't going to die of this god damn Swine Flu.

I swear, the news media is fucking ridiculous.  It seems like just about any time someone gets some kind of new-ish disease that they immediately blow it WAY out of proportion, instead of focusing on shit we should actually care about.  And yeah, that last one is about Chuck.  Chuck is an awesome show and it should not be canceled.  If it is, I will be really mad at NBC.  I'd threaten to boycott it, but I fuckin love Heroes.  My gods I am a nerd.

Anyway, I guess the main point of this is that people are idiots.  It's not the fault of the media; nobody seems to realize it, but we control the news cycle.  They know that their ratings go up if they create panic among the general population; we're the ones that drive those ratings up when they do.  Shit's ridiculous.

In other news, my teachers, with a few exceptions, are fucking morons.  Two of them in particular really should not have gotten the jobs that they have.  That's all I'll say here.

Peace out bitches.

Gods dammit Keanu Reeves is lame.

Holy shit this is awesome.  They are making a Cowboy Bebop movie. For those of you not in the know, Cowboy Bebop is possibly my favorite anime series, tied with FLCL. It basically consists of space cowboy bounty hunters killing shit to an awesome soundtrack. I'm not a huge anime nerd, but Cowboy Bebop is just fuckin sweet.

Alas, every rose must have its thorn.  That must be why they got motherfucking Keanu Reeves to play Spike Spiegel, the main character of the show. Seriously, I love the Matrix as much as (actually, probably more than) the next guy, but Keanu Reeves is fucking terrible. I really do not want what could be an awesome movie to be ruined by an emotionless zombie performance from Keanu Reeves.  Why the fuck is he famous anyway?  The only good movies he's been in are the Matrix and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

See, anyone who knows me knows I'm a big fan of dumb action movies.  This is why shit like 300, the Matrix, and Fight Club are some of my favorite movies.  Granted, the Matrix and Fight Club both have at least a little substance to them, but the point is made.  The main problem with movies like this is that Keanu motherfucking Reeves has an annoying tendency to show up in them.  If I want to watch a goddamn zombie movie I'll watch a goddamn zombie movie, but I personally prefer my action heroes to have a bit more to them then "apathetic grimace" and "apathetic grimace."

Fuck you Keanu Reeves.

Peace out bitches.

WTF Obama?

First off, to anyone who actually read through the shit sandwich that was my post yesterday, sorry.  That was a total cop out and I really just should've waited until something legitimate to write about came to mind.

Now that that's out of the way, has anyone seen this shit?  Apparently, Obama is releasing some Bush-era memos regarding torture.  Specifically, that we torture.  Now, as far as I'm concerned, this is cool.  I'm all for the government being open with the people.  However, a few conservative monkeys with shit for brains seem to think that keeping the public informed of some of our governments less-than-stellar moments will somehow bring about the fall of democracy.  It honestly scares the shit out of me that we have people in our society who legitimately think torture is cool.

Now, being the even-handed guy that I am, I can't just criticize one side of the issue without pointing out the gaping holes in the other side.  You see, although Obama had the balls to release this shit, he still doesn't want to prosecute any of the C.I.A. operatives who authorized or carried out the torture.  That shit ain't cool.  As far as I'm concerned, the bitches should get put away for the shit that they did.

In other news, Jesus tittyfucking christ I hate pollen.  There's so much in the air down here that it's actually starting to make my eyes water.  I'm not even allergic to that shit.

Fuck pollen.

Peace out bitches.

I'M ANGRY! AND SWEARING!

Dammit it is so hard to write a fucking blog based on anger, swearing, and blatant attempts to shock people into laughing when you just aren't that pissed off.  There hasn't been anything in the news to piss me off, and I haven't had any experiences with people that make me question whether or not they deserve their place in the gene pool.  If you know me, please do something that is abso-fucking-lutely retarded near or to me so I can bitch about it here.

Have any of you ever been in the middle of a conversation when someone says something that is just begging for a witty comment, but when the opportunity arises, you just can't think of anything to say that isn't completely retarded?  That's what writer's block feels like, especially when you have absolutely nothing to feed off of.  Sure, I could spend hours combing the internet for gems of human stupidity, but I like to at least pretend I'm cool sometimes and that I don't spend all my time on Facebook/Twitter/this blog/the internet in general looking for things to make me angry at humanity.

Anyway, that's all for tonight.

Peace out bitches.

Woo Politics Woo

You know, I would totally make fun of this whole teabagging thing and complain about Obama shooting down marijuana legalization if it weren't already old news. Maybe I should start getting my news from places other than old episodes of the Daily Show.  I could definitely bitch about Obama giving a shit ass ton of money to people who don't deserve it, but again, my news is all old and filtered through whatever the Daily Show/occasionally Stephen Colbert can make funny, so it's really not worth it.  Obama's all like "hey banks, way to fuck up the economy, here's a billion dollars and little/no oversight, go fix it."

Alright, I'll stop libertarianing all over everything, I don't really feel like dealing with the bunched up panties of those who might crucify me for criticizing Saint Obama.  If it makes you guys feel any better, I didn't vote McCain.  I do find it a little hilarious that people get so attached to certain famous people and institutions.  Sure, I might get a little overexcited whenever Apple or Blizzard release a new product (ZOMG STARCRAFT 2 MIGHT COME OUT IN THE NEXT 10 YEARS!), but my hero worship doesn't really extend past a few assertions that my favorite company's product is and always will be better than your company's product (I'm sorry guys, Apple is just the shit).  There are some crazy motherfuckers out there who seem to think that any attack on their idol is a personal attack on their dignity.  I've got news for you people.  Your idols don't give a fuck about you or any of your opinions, so stop treating them like gods.

Seems like a cheery note to end things on.

Peace out bitches.

Why is this bitch still in the gene pool?

What. The. Ass.  According to the article, youtube video, and picture I just linked to, some dumb bitch in Germany jumped into a polar bear enclosure.  She wasn't thrown.  She didn't fall.  She wasn't even trying to feed the animals like most of the dumbfucks who get bitten by zoo animals (also known as "what's coming to 'em").  She climbed over a fence, got through a prickly ass bush, then jumped over a wall to get into this exhibit.  She then proceeded to flop around and get bitten on the ass by the bear.  What the fuck could have possibly possessed someone to do something so completely idiotic?

Okay, my rage at the stupidity of this woman was just completely dissipated by Daft Punk.  God dammit it's impossible to get pissed off while listening to Daft Punk.  The beats... they're just so... infectious...

Anyway, in a minor personal note, I had to go to the dentist today.  I hate the dentist.  Does anybody else feel like they're grinding away at your teeth with sandpaper when they use that one toothbrushy thing?  Plus it just smells like... dentist in there.  And that flouride shit is NASTY.  Anyway, I think I'm done venting for the day; Daft Punk really did destroy any righteous fury I had.

Peace out bitches.

Blogs? BLOGS!

Guess I cashed in on the whole blogging thing at the right time.  Seems like all the cool kids are doing it now.  Either that or it's just really easy to find other blogs to read that happen to be by people you either know or sort of kind of know on blogger.  Guess the blogosphere's getting bigger.

Jesus shit I just said blogosphere unironically.  Please shoot me now before I start twittering everything I do and using one of those iPhone apps that lets people stalk you without even trying. 

I should probably complain about something now, but I honestly can't think of anything to complain about.  The weather's nice, school's not sucking any harder than usual, and besides, complaining about school'd make this blog read like it was written by some stupid teenager.

Anyway, I'll probably find some shitty aspect of my life to bitch about tomorrow.

Peace out bitches.

Dude.

I should totally make a reality show.  I bet I could pull it off too.  It seems like all you need is some kind of catchy title and some useless drama between a bunch of attractive people and you've got yourself some quality television.

Now, I know that there are some reality shows that demand actual talent of their participants.  So You Think You Can Dance, Project Runway, and American Idol come to mind.  But other shows, like America's Next Top Model, Pretty Wicked, The Real World, just demand bitchy attractive people who can make us feel better about our significantly less dramatic lives while simultaneously giving us an excuse to drool over bitchy attractive people.

With this in mind, I think the best way to make a shit ton of money off of a reality show would be competition between bitchy attractive people that requires no actual talent.  I'll also need a few D or F list celebrities desperately in need of a career revival to form a "panel of judges" and a desperate young attractive person willing to do horrible things to creepy old men to be the host.

Now, it seems like the shows that allow for the most drama are ones that are voted on by judges, and where actual people have no vote.  People, being on average reasonable and at least sort of nice, will vote out anyone who's too bitchy, thus killing all the drama that's going to make me millions.

We'll call my show "The Winner: The Ultimate Challenge to be the Best."  It's delectably vague; what the hell are they winning, and what the fuck are they going to be the best at?  Anyway, the first episode will consist entirely of the D and F list celebrities ogling attractive people to determine which of them will provide the most useless drama while the sexy host interviews our various "contestants," all while stifling tears from the horrible, horrible things he/she was forced to do to get the job.  The remaining episodes will consist almost entirely of bitchy behind-the-scenes drama, with the last 20 minutes being made up of dramatic music, commercial breaks, and the eventual elimination of the "least best" contestant.

This will make me millions.

Peace out bitches.

Oh god, not another pretentious hipster wannabe complaining about Starbucks...

So yesterday, I was chilling out at the cabin (the place where my band practices/hangs out, also known as my drummer's dad's house) when I decided I wanted some lunch.  The closest place was McDonalds, but Supersize me really freaked me out so I kinda swore them off.  The next best option was to get a big ass sandwich from my local grocery store/megamart deli.  I opted for that, got my sammich and some of that Arizona's Green Tea shit for my bandmates, then decided that a frozen coffee-like beverage would go really well with my big ass sandwich.  I was gonna head towards my friendly neighborhood independent coffee shop, but as I was walking out of the store I noticed one of those oh-so-convenient Starbucks stands RIGHT next to the door.

This was where I made my mistake.  In the interest of getting back to the cabin at a reasonable time, I decided to get a Frappecino from the evil coffee corporate overlords.  I walked up to the counter and asked for a "large caramel frappecino," to which the wage slave behind the counter abruptly replied "Oh, do you mean venti?"

Now, if I was truly as douchy as I present myself on this blog, I would've responded with something like "No, I meant large; this isn't some small family-run coffee shop in rural Italy, this is a coffee stand run by a faceless multi-billion dollar corporation at the entrance to a grocery store/megamart in the middle of the U. S. of A.," but since I'm actually a fairly nice/apathetic guy, I just said "whatever" and let her make the damn drink.

I guess the main point of this story is that a) Starbucks needs to get over that whole "pseudo-italian" thing with their drinks and b) Starbucks Frappecinos really aren't that good anyway, and I really should've just stuck with my friendly neighborhood coffee shop for my not-actually-coffee fix.

Whatever.

Peace out bitches.

What is there to complain about?

Damn, it's been a day and my inspiration is totally gone.  My bratty cousin left, thank god, so now the house is all quiet again.  That's pretty damn cool, if you ask me.  That being said, there's now a shit ton of bad fruit in the fridge because they didn't like the food my parents got for 'em.  Whatever man.

In other news, fish is fucking disgusting.  Seriously.  I'm out of the house as much as I possibly can be, so I miss a lot of dinners at home.  So, I woke up this morning, ran 2 and a half miles, then decided I want some breakfast.  Imagine my excitement when I found some pasta in the fridge.  I fucking love pasta.  It's seriously the best food ever.  I was totally psyched for breakfast now.  This was going to be AWESOME.  I put it in a bowl, nuked it, took a bite, then I just about threw up.  There was tuna in my god damn pasta.  Who the hell puts tuna in their god damn pasta?  Shit just ain't cash man.

Now, I'm really not a picky eater.  Picky eaters piss me off actually.  But fish in pasta is just wrong on so many levels.  Seriously, fish should just stay in the sea.  Aren't we overfishing all that shit anyway?  Why don't we as a nation decide to just stick with shellfish.  THOSE motherfuckers are awesome.  I love me some lobster.  And shrimp.  And mussels.  Clams and scallops are alright too.  But fish is fucking gross.

Peace out bitches.

Hey

Hey.  This is the place where I complain about my life and stuff.  This is basically me being bored as shit over spring break.  I'd like to start this all off by saying that I don't REALLY have anything to complain about; I live in a nice neighborhood, go to a decent school, my parents are still together, we don't have any money issues, and my parents jobs aren't in any real danger.  That being said, everyone likes bitching about their lives, and I'm no exception.

Now that we've established that I'm basically just being a whiny teenage bitch here, I might as well post something of substance.  Basically, for the past few days I've been stuck in relative hell, in that I've had relatives over.  My aunt's nice enough, but my cousin is starting to annoy the shit out of me.  Don't get me wrong, he's a great kid, but I'm really getting sick of hearing about whatever lame video game he's been wasting his time on.  Also, the kid needs some damn discipline in his life.  Seriously, shit's ridiculous.  I've had to resort to playing Runescape again just to keep the kid entertained.  Runescape is so fucking lame.  Seriously, when you've spent the summer on World of Warcrack, Runescape just feels... wrong.

Anyway, this blog probably won't last the week; once school kicks in I've got that to do, bass to practice, and other shit to do involving actual interaction.  Still, venting is fun, so maybe this'll last a little longer.

Peace out bitches.